It’s just hair after all.

I don’t know if this is a sign of poverty or what hence I’ve never been one to have weaves. I think that’s why I got the shock of my life when my baby sisters are constantly demanding weaves from mom. Throughout my Primary school I’ve had short hair because my late grandmother thought it was time consuming to tie my hair in a ponytail every morning before school and the monthly routine of relaxing and plaiting my hair would just not work out.

I remember how I’d look like a boy in short hair to top it all off, I think this is when my self-esteem was at its lowest because I didn’t like or appreciate what I saw in the mirror and everyone would tease me about my big forehead. Yes I do have a big forehead and one of my cousins once said I dream in 3D. I’m sure you could imagine the emotions that came with all of that teasing, I call it emotional bullying, family or not as long as it hurt my feeling its bullying lol.

There was a time I thought my hair would never grow long because my grandmother had no mercy on me she just took the siccors and cut my hair. When I started attending Die Laerskool Danie Malan I remember my mom took me to the salon and I got the most painful hairstyle I ever experienced “Straight Back.” Tjrrrrrrr man, dia ding is baie seer mann nie meer tot vandag I haven’t had the hearts or the bravery to do it. I’m really scared of pain. Since I moved with my mother, she made sure my hair was always done and I looked beautiful for school because I was attending what was called a model C and there was silent competition because we were like 20 black students in our grade alone, the first black class at Laerskool Danie Malan.

So my mom would buy Beautiful Beginnings by Dark ‘n lovely and relax my hair monthly. I used to love mixing the relaxer for my mom and I'd sit between her legs with excitement that my hair is going to be long and straight but it always ended in a fight because I was restless and never sat still, for that reason I didn’t have the privilege to go to salons. Nevertheless, I enjoyed getting hair done at home.

Then it was time for high school, I went to Die Hoerskool Pretoria-Noord and black students were outnumbered by the whites students so there was that hidden hairstyle competition amongst us. My hair started growing at a rate I loved because I had one of the longest hairs amongst black students. I’d get con-rows during summer and winter time was a treat for me because it was time to braid my hair so it doesn’t fall of. If I was a good kid my mom would take me to the salon for treatment every two weeks or once a month because really I had shampoo, conditioner, hair moisturing products from dark ‘n lovely, also had a blow dryer and a tong.

I was really never bothered by the fact that I got the home made version of hair treatment because I looked better than those that claimed to have paid a lot of money at the salon. The most common hairstyles amongst us were Yaki, twist and straight back in different patterns. The only thing that I could handle was twist because I just brushed, put spray and I was go to go. Yaki was the old versions of fake long hair because not a lot of people were weave wise. I’d always laugh at those who were careless and left it tangled what a sad story. And if you know me too well I avoid complicated hairstyles because I love laughing at other people.

So all I knew from my high school days were cornrows, two ponytails or one ponytail on the side or braided hair till today. I always tell people that I thank God that my mom didn’t let me bully hair into taking me to salons and doing expensive hairdos as a sign of an off show.

The first time I got a weave I was in matric and it was for my matric dance, it cost my mom R500, the fibre and to get it sowed on. For me that was a lot of money because it was my first time spending so much money on fake hair because my real hair was as long as a 10” weave. I only lasted 2 weeks with the weave because I couldn’t tolerate the itching effect that came with fake hair. Patting my head and giving myself a headache was just not worth it. I couldn’t even look after it because as much as its 100% human hair it wasn’t my hair.

During my gap year I got a bob kinda looking weave because I was modelling at fashion show which only lasted for 3 weeks on my head. I honestly can’t deal with weaves, they frustrate me, I feel like everyone has their eyes on me for all the wrong reason, I felt like I lost my identity and I wasn’t Khensani anymore, I don’t know how to explain but it is one of those things in life. I’m just not comfortable with period.

Today when I look at my school photos I can proudly say that I looked like a school kid and I didn’t compete with any teacher not that I’m saying those with weaves compete with their teachers, hence if the shoe fits wear it.

After my matric exams I decided to go blonde and cut my hair, hehehe. Khensi gone badly, I had a Mohawk, on my sides my hair was cut in different patterns. I really thought I was the hottest thing alive. This dragged on into my gap and only in august did I start growing my hair again. I feel like it’s a phase I had to go through because the timing was perfect for me to experiment and enjoy the phase. Imagine blonde hair with that navy blue uniform. My aim throughout high school was to respect my school code of conduct, the uniform, and my teachers and up hold the values of my school by not shaming my parents and those around me.

Ever since I started studying in university I decided to keep my hair brown and enhance it now and then with a blonde tint and all. Till today I’m a stranger at the salon and people this is not an act of poverty, it’s just a choice. I don’t like people touching my hair. My mother still relaxes it and I enjoy every minute of it. I go to the salon when I’m lazy to wash my own hair because it’s my responsibiity.

All that I’m trying to say is that, find a look that you are comfortable with and stick to it. Of cause we change and grow with time and our looks are subject to change, look at your facial structure and go for a hairstyle that suits you. Don’t do hairstyles or spend money on hairdos that don’t even suit you because you are trying to fit in because you are going to end up with a problem. At times we don’t know where our friends get money to do their hair and you are always nagging your family or relatives because someone else has the hair do. What if that person won a competition and didn’t tell you about it and you get in debt because someone else in your class has it? Don’t do anything outside your means because you will get into trouble because you wanted to fit in. of cause some people can afford it because money is not a problem and the problem for them is how they spend the money. We are not the same.

Now I don’t mind walking around in short hair or tying my hair into a bun and showing of my big forehead which shows my dreams in 3D. At times I forget my forehead is big because I feel it’s good enough for my head and in proportion with my the rest of my body. I have a million flaws but it’s important to love myself and accept what I can’t change about myself.

Appreciate yourself by accepting the circumstances that God has put in. Love yourself ALWAYS, Be Beautiful and Do you! Run your own race and leave other people to run their own races. As long as someone didn’t invite you to run with them stay in your lane. You are clay in the Potters hands, always remember that.

KhensiNova!