The 2013 revelation.

I can’t believe that less than 60 days remain of this year. 2013 has had its fair share of difficulties but God has been good to me thus far. The good most definitely out-weighs the bad. I am grateful.

The continued lessons learnt have really opened my eyes to new ways of living and making my 21^st chapter a beautiful journey. I’m not saying life is perfect but I am able to smile and embrace life, reflect on the year and actually say I lived. And with all this I have seen my family’s love shine brighter than ever before. The amazing love, support and guidance from Mom really brought us even closer together. I am grateful.

The lesson learnt about friendship for me is that, it is only after Matric and we go our separate ways that you see who is really meant to be part of your life. I’m the type of girl who uses the Hash tag #NoNewFriends because the cream of the crop has really risen to the top. However, some friendships have changed, sometimes people grow together and sometimes we grow apart, that is part of life. I am grateful.

I am still trying to figure out what my dreams really are. I am terrified that sometimes I get lost in living my life to the full that I might forget to live life to the full with a purpose. Life can really take chances with you if you do not take action of your dreams and goals. At times I am scared that my reality could disappoint me.

The biggest lesson or the revelation from God to me for 2013 is that, everything happens in God’s time.

In my first year I believed that I deserved to be one of the top achievers because I really worked my ass off and to my surprise I didn’t even make top 3, this opened my eyes ,in life there will always be people who worked and deserved that award more I did. This year I saw my marks dropping and I was very disappointed in myself that I lost the plot and let things that do not matter take over in my life. I started the second semester with a plan and new goals to be a better student but to my surprise for God those disappointing results landed me an achievers award. Everything happens in God’s time when you least expect it. This year I got 3^rd Place in 2^nd year at the achievers awards. I am grateful.

I was so ready to give up on cheerleading because I felt my team was just not getting it. I ended up losing interest and it was all a mess. I failed myself and my team because at all times the blame will always go back to the leadership and excuses make you look stupid. I kept it together and told myself that if I can just achieve the mandate for Intervarsity I will walk away will a clear conscious that I tried. The team’s incompetence cost us a contract to be the official cheerleaders of Boarder Bull Dogs. But we kept on keeping on with those that were committed and after our performance at intervarsity the tears and tension became worth it. To my surprise 2 months after we stopped with cheerleading I was invited to attend the University Sports Awards 2013, I got an achievers award for Captain of the year. Everything happens in God’s time. I am grateful.

In matric I remember having a conversation with Reabetswe in our Life-sciences (Biology). I was telling how I would love to have my own girls scout and be a motivational speaker, this was in 2010. Three years later 2013, on one windy Saturday morning I was bored, napping then got a call from my mentor(Bathandwa Mateza) that I have an hour to put on my best outfit, we going somewhere. She took me to a camp that was full of young girls and she said to me, “Khensi you are very relevant to these young girls lives, you are going to motivate them. You are the guest speaker, lets pray.” I was in shock and I didn’t even know what to say, all that I was told was to speak from the heart. It took 3 years from the day I wished to be an influential speaker. Everything happens in God’s time. I am grateful.

I always wanted to do an awareness drive, something that is my baby, from conception to birth. My BMF (Black Management Forum) position as Projects and campaigns officer made it easier to challenge myself and make a change on campus. I then started working on my project slash baby, The Stop Alcohol and abuse Campaign. I sent letters around of sponsorship around and Coke Cola replied with the best news that they are coming on board guns blazing, okay I made the last part up. They sponsored us with drinks and cups to give all the students and lecturers that pledged for the awareness. Okay, let’s not get it twisted, a lot of people were like Khensi you wasting your time, this is varsity and students drink a lot. My campaign had nothing to do with stopping students from drinking. It had everything to do with educating students about the effects of alcohol ABUSE. I got more than 300 hand pledges and for me that was a job well done. Everything in God’s Time. I am grateful.

As a young girl I had dreams and hopes of being a magazine cover. In 2013 my suggested name for the University magazine got short listed and students voted, then I was the victorious one. I was on the cover of my own creative source Varsity Vibes. Everything happens in God’s time.

Then there are talks about Germany but all in God’s time.

The lesson learnt this year was that everything happens in God’s timing. This is still my race, it gets better every day. Eventually my race will be the race that I want. DesiderataNova.

National Youth Camp.

Tug War

My Home for 7 days.

Cleaning the community

Kids of Station Hill

Fellow Campers

Fell of a tree, trying to be monkey.

Horses can pout.

Mwahtjies

Horse Riding

Hiking day

During the Camp.

Beach Day.

Water Sport.

My camp mommy.

Top 10 Leaders

New friends

Khensi

Our home collapses

Friendship!

'Some friends are more equal than others.'

It has always fascinated me to look at the friendships that I have made over the years, those friendships that I nurture because they really add value to my life, the light and fluffy ones, those that drain me, and surprisingly enough, I have even given a lot of thought to the ones that have brought me a lot of heart ache. I guess one could say, wherever two or more women are; there is bound to be some fireworks, whether it will be the spectacularly beautiful kind, or the kind that destroys things, is left entirely up to your own interpretation.

Women have different types of friends. We have our besties, who get us in all ways, they have either been around us forever or there are those friends that we meet later in life when we have been there and done that, and therefore have learnt enough to know better. I like to say that our besties are those girls that have seen us before we put on our make-up and we are quite comfortable for them to see us in our 'feed-the-dog-track suit pants'. Over the years I have less and less of these type of friends, so I am pretty sure that the 'best cream has risen to the top'.

Of course I also have another batch of friends, and by batch I mean three or four, these are my 'going-out and letting my hair down' type offriends. We can have fun together and I have probably had some of my best laughs with them. Sadly, I have also learnt that there are not on my speed dial when I'm homeless and need a place to stay for a couple of days. I cannot rely on them to drop everything for me, as they often have 'long-standing engagements' when one really needs them. If there is ever a lesson to be learnt in friendship, it is this one. Learn it quickly.

Not all the 'good' friends I made in my teens are still in life. I have learnt the hard way that; its not always those that you love the most, that will love you back in the same way. And that's okay. That cliche about some people only being in your life for a reason, for a season or for a lifetime comes to my mind here. I made some of my biggest life mistakes in this area of my life, but thankfully they were not fatal.

There is no great point to this piece, just me reflecting on the interesting, sometimes maddening, but mostly beautiful women that I have had the pleasure of calling 'friends'. A shout out to the ones that have carried me on their shoulders, a shout out to the strong women who have stuck around! I hope I have been as good a friend to you, as some of you have been to me!

To my girls♥

Neo. Khensi. Elaine. Phemi

Gavaza. Khensi. Sincerity. Elaine.

Khensi. Rea. Phemi. Dini.

Elaine. Khensi. Rea. Phemi.

Road to 21.

On the 4^th of April 2013, I turned BIG 21.

My peers are on their 2^nd children and more, however, I remember Gayton McKenzie saying “wouldn’t it be nice if Black girls broke the curse of “an apple doesn’t fall far from a tree”” by that he meant that if your grandmother had her first child at 18 and your mother fell in the same footsteps, why can’t you be different?? Those words gave me enough reason to stay a virgin and work on empowering myself. And I’m sure we all know Dj Sbu’s 7B’s “Books Before Boys, Because Boys Bring Babies”, I’d like to think that that’s self-explanatory.

Turning 21, for me was not only about not having a baby, 21 for me means celebrating my growth as a young woman celebrating my life’s challenges well or bad. I believe I’ve been through a lot, but most importantly I didn’t break. I’m grateful to all the relationships I built with my family, relatives and friends, it’s the bonds that I’ve built with these special people that kept me sane. To God, my source of refugee, my Big Daddy, thank you for everything, it’s only now that I understand and have made sense why I had to go through everything I’ve been through.

For my 21^st my mother said the most important words to me, “my child you are now in your second gear of life, your first was passing your matric, your second is turning 21 and being celebrated as a beautiful young lady, your third gear should be graduating and fourth getting job and lastly your fifth gear should be doing whatever your heart desires “that for me is just enough to empower myself and be the best that I can be. My 21^st key is a watch and a bracelet and my mom asked me to define the gift myself and I said to her “time waits for no man; I have to work hard in order for me to reach my fifth gear in the next years”. I put myself under pressure there however, it has to be done after all a goal or decision without a deadline is merely a discussion with no energy behind it. Thank you Mommy, I love you.

Andiswa Madikane my Big sister, friend and mentor, also got me the best and meaningful 21^st gift, a twin dairy. This is no grudge book keeper but a journal to write my goals and dreams my very own eye bags and dimples. Just because I don’t have Bonnie Henna’s book it doesn’t mean I cannot write my own “fake it, till you make it” but I’m not faking anything I’m just giving myself the same dose of inspiration as reading eye bags would’ve given me. Thanks Andiswa, Minnie you is making it step by step, I love you is that okay?

To everyone else who made my 21^st birthday the best, thanks a million, I really am a special loved Khensi. How did I do it? Self-love, wisdom and God’s word is my GPS, value my worth as a young woman, ask questions and its okay to have your dreams critised constructively in order for you to grow.

Thanks for reading my serving, go out there and shine like the diamond that you are and God bless my Desire family abundantly xoxo!

KhensiNova!

It’s just hair after all.

I don’t know if this is a sign of poverty or what hence I’ve never been one to have weaves. I think that’s why I got the shock of my life when my baby sisters are constantly demanding weaves from mom. Throughout my Primary school I’ve had short hair because my late grandmother thought it was time consuming to tie my hair in a ponytail every morning before school and the monthly routine of relaxing and plaiting my hair would just not work out.

I remember how I’d look like a boy in short hair to top it all off, I think this is when my self-esteem was at its lowest because I didn’t like or appreciate what I saw in the mirror and everyone would tease me about my big forehead. Yes I do have a big forehead and one of my cousins once said I dream in 3D. I’m sure you could imagine the emotions that came with all of that teasing, I call it emotional bullying, family or not as long as it hurt my feeling its bullying lol.

There was a time I thought my hair would never grow long because my grandmother had no mercy on me she just took the siccors and cut my hair. When I started attending Die Laerskool Danie Malan I remember my mom took me to the salon and I got the most painful hairstyle I ever experienced “Straight Back.” Tjrrrrrrr man, dia ding is baie seer mann nie meer tot vandag I haven’t had the hearts or the bravery to do it. I’m really scared of pain. Since I moved with my mother, she made sure my hair was always done and I looked beautiful for school because I was attending what was called a model C and there was silent competition because we were like 20 black students in our grade alone, the first black class at Laerskool Danie Malan.

So my mom would buy Beautiful Beginnings by Dark ‘n lovely and relax my hair monthly. I used to love mixing the relaxer for my mom and I'd sit between her legs with excitement that my hair is going to be long and straight but it always ended in a fight because I was restless and never sat still, for that reason I didn’t have the privilege to go to salons. Nevertheless, I enjoyed getting hair done at home.

Then it was time for high school, I went to Die Hoerskool Pretoria-Noord and black students were outnumbered by the whites students so there was that hidden hairstyle competition amongst us. My hair started growing at a rate I loved because I had one of the longest hairs amongst black students. I’d get con-rows during summer and winter time was a treat for me because it was time to braid my hair so it doesn’t fall of. If I was a good kid my mom would take me to the salon for treatment every two weeks or once a month because really I had shampoo, conditioner, hair moisturing products from dark ‘n lovely, also had a blow dryer and a tong.

I was really never bothered by the fact that I got the home made version of hair treatment because I looked better than those that claimed to have paid a lot of money at the salon. The most common hairstyles amongst us were Yaki, twist and straight back in different patterns. The only thing that I could handle was twist because I just brushed, put spray and I was go to go. Yaki was the old versions of fake long hair because not a lot of people were weave wise. I’d always laugh at those who were careless and left it tangled what a sad story. And if you know me too well I avoid complicated hairstyles because I love laughing at other people.

So all I knew from my high school days were cornrows, two ponytails or one ponytail on the side or braided hair till today. I always tell people that I thank God that my mom didn’t let me bully hair into taking me to salons and doing expensive hairdos as a sign of an off show.

The first time I got a weave I was in matric and it was for my matric dance, it cost my mom R500, the fibre and to get it sowed on. For me that was a lot of money because it was my first time spending so much money on fake hair because my real hair was as long as a 10” weave. I only lasted 2 weeks with the weave because I couldn’t tolerate the itching effect that came with fake hair. Patting my head and giving myself a headache was just not worth it. I couldn’t even look after it because as much as its 100% human hair it wasn’t my hair.

During my gap year I got a bob kinda looking weave because I was modelling at fashion show which only lasted for 3 weeks on my head. I honestly can’t deal with weaves, they frustrate me, I feel like everyone has their eyes on me for all the wrong reason, I felt like I lost my identity and I wasn’t Khensani anymore, I don’t know how to explain but it is one of those things in life. I’m just not comfortable with period.

Today when I look at my school photos I can proudly say that I looked like a school kid and I didn’t compete with any teacher not that I’m saying those with weaves compete with their teachers, hence if the shoe fits wear it.

After my matric exams I decided to go blonde and cut my hair, hehehe. Khensi gone badly, I had a Mohawk, on my sides my hair was cut in different patterns. I really thought I was the hottest thing alive. This dragged on into my gap and only in august did I start growing my hair again. I feel like it’s a phase I had to go through because the timing was perfect for me to experiment and enjoy the phase. Imagine blonde hair with that navy blue uniform. My aim throughout high school was to respect my school code of conduct, the uniform, and my teachers and up hold the values of my school by not shaming my parents and those around me.

Ever since I started studying in university I decided to keep my hair brown and enhance it now and then with a blonde tint and all. Till today I’m a stranger at the salon and people this is not an act of poverty, it’s just a choice. I don’t like people touching my hair. My mother still relaxes it and I enjoy every minute of it. I go to the salon when I’m lazy to wash my own hair because it’s my responsibiity.

All that I’m trying to say is that, find a look that you are comfortable with and stick to it. Of cause we change and grow with time and our looks are subject to change, look at your facial structure and go for a hairstyle that suits you. Don’t do hairstyles or spend money on hairdos that don’t even suit you because you are trying to fit in because you are going to end up with a problem. At times we don’t know where our friends get money to do their hair and you are always nagging your family or relatives because someone else has the hair do. What if that person won a competition and didn’t tell you about it and you get in debt because someone else in your class has it? Don’t do anything outside your means because you will get into trouble because you wanted to fit in. of cause some people can afford it because money is not a problem and the problem for them is how they spend the money. We are not the same.

Now I don’t mind walking around in short hair or tying my hair into a bun and showing of my big forehead which shows my dreams in 3D. At times I forget my forehead is big because I feel it’s good enough for my head and in proportion with my the rest of my body. I have a million flaws but it’s important to love myself and accept what I can’t change about myself.

Appreciate yourself by accepting the circumstances that God has put in. Love yourself ALWAYS, Be Beautiful and Do you! Run your own race and leave other people to run their own races. As long as someone didn’t invite you to run with them stay in your lane. You are clay in the Potters hands, always remember that.

KhensiNova!